seguicamma

apples are good apples are great, apple are food when served in a crate some are big and some are small, they grow on trees that are very tall. why are red, why are green, why are yellow, with a taste that is mean.

drunk and falling over tripping on challenges i make my way to the door to get out of this hell-hole almost sweating blood such intensity in this awful place i need to get out of this into something lighter lit by fire flames licking the thick air i lean over the steering wheel trying to drive im too out of control i cant do this without killing someone i get out of the car and try to walk but i just collapse on the sidewalk pulling myself up straight holding onto the pole holding on for dear life seeing how stupid ive been i cry and cry and cry its all so impossible that i could have done all that why is drinking so ad

6/6/06 10:50PM i feel it drip down my back the blood of my torture i leapt, and my heart leaped with me. my heart didnt jump far enough, however. it was short, and it ended up on my back where i was thrashed and lashed and hit and beat my heart was right there taking the heat the anger i took out on myself it hurts but theres nothing i can do anymore its over now will it come back?

rocking the boat the calm ocean puts me to sleep. the sun goes down and brilliant colors fill the sky. so intense. so deep. i see the light casting shadows on the waves, the starting rain making ripples in the surface. dolphins jump in big exciting loops. with the oars at ease. i slowly drift back home.

6/08/06  10:04PM i walk accross this carpet of pain a thousand mirrors broken years of bad luck like it oculd get any worse glass all over barefoot stepping carefully not carefully enough it digs in and the pressure is held the pain is immense but to complete my task i must continue on ignoring the pain blood rushes out staining the floor red bandages cant help me now beyond repair i keep walking walking through the pain and the sorrow and the suffereing

12:02am 6/14/06 i walk past where you sit but you dont look up youre absorbed in your work i swish my skirt to make you notice me i want you to notice me and see me to love me the way i love you its just my imagination running again it runs and skips but when it comes home its covered in mud and dirt to clean it off i must bring myself back to reality to where i know it will never happen oh well friends just as well as it wouldnt last

(june 18, 2006, 11:20am) tears and sweat mixing together confusion is at the extreme mixing dreams with reality and reality with hopes dreams and hopes soon fade but the reality stands out even more now unable to hide sucking at the juice of fantasy no more of anything but reality when reality is alone it is much harsher there is nothing to soften it with no pillows or sugar to calm the effect just reality all on its own

you lift me up, but i just fall again you give me a hug, but i push you away everything i get, i soon throw away cuz nothing matters anymore its just goin down the drain how could you leave me when i needed you most although i pushed you away i wanted you closer who are you that i cant see us anymore i need a mirror to see what is missing tears in my eyes i watch you go waving goodbye even after youre gone you were here but no more just me alone in my misery

(june 17, 11:21pm) they flow they flow they flow the nightmares flow into my head scaring me half to death draining me of happiness i wake up in a sweat hands clammy and eyes wide screaming in terror that it would come true i need to forget and move on to something sweet sugar and spice and everything nice but its there lingering in the back of my mind eating at my security every move makes me jump ever slight noise scares me out of my skin i scream and jump and almost faint it wont stop it just keeps coming why cant i wake up completely its still half here and im still half scared

june 19, 2006, (12 41pm) bring me black roses to my death bed the end is almost here i can hear it approaching it rushes to my stronger than wind louder than the cymbals crashing brighter than the brightest light my eyes have seen it gets closer and closer and i know its time to die

I've got a new addiction, A fixation, if you will. It is soft and full of care. It helps me sleep so still. I've got a new addiction, An obsession, if you will. I have a need so deep for It. A need I cannot fill. I've got a new addiction, A compulsion, if you will. All the pain will go away With just one simple pill. I've got a new addiction, A dependance, if you will. And if I stay addicted, My addiction will kill.

High pitched screams, an empty silence, Waiting out this toxic violence; Too many bodies cramped together, Forced to stay, or hung on a tether. Metal grumbles at every move, A new body is crammed in every grove; The wheels turn, there breaking down, Water boils, the surviving drown. A cry breaks out, the addicting sound, Doesn’t take long to pass around. This factory from Hell will not stop, Till every sane mind has gone pop. An alarming bell stops the struggle, The condemned break loose, in fear they huddle; Darkness follows and guards surround, A friend to hold is not allowed. People are herded like cows to slaughter,

You see her from across the way Reading what her body says Long sleeves whispering of bleeding wrists Eyes hang low, silently admitting it You know all of these signs so well The language it speaks, the stories they tell It reads like novels, all full of misery Some of the pages torn from your own history Does it help you to see someone do it like you did Can you see why your friends misconstrued it? And they worried about you all night, every night Can you see now how it was justified fright? You study her scars and know it's not for attention The contours of cuts you know that you should not mention They creep back into darkne